Sunday, August 8, 2010

The Other "C" Word

There are hurtful words in the English language that we fling at each other in anger, despair and even laziness when we do not take the time to find a more appropriate one. This post is not about the obvious it is about the other "C" word CANCER.

Cancer is a word that until recently was in my vocabulary distantly. I could empathize but I could not fully relate, it had touched my life but never so completely. All that changed late in May when my Mother was diagnosed. Now it is as much a part of my life as waking, sleeping, breathing.

The disease itself consumes the patient; the interventions to battle the disease consumes their lives. I support, listen, hand hold but find that it is not enough. I am still on the fringe trying to guide her through a maze that although I am familiar with, I can no longer navigate because I have lost perspective. I am no longer the healthcare provider, I am the daughter watching, waiting for results, hoping that all is going well, praying that she has the stamina to endure the ravages of not only the disease but of the "cure."

Her spirits are good. She goes through the motions of the endless doctors' appointments, the chemotherapy, the outward "signs" that all is "ok." There are moments when she shares her inner thoughts, when she puts to words the struggle she is engaged in. Her thoughts are simply verbalized nothing fancy. My Mother does not deal in "fancy." Again I listen helpless but never hopeless.

I love you Mom, you are not alone, we are all here with you and for you. I know we've taken this journey together before this is how you must have felt many years ago when it was you in my shoes. You did it then; we'll do it now.

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